The question of what women really want has been puzzling men since the beginning of time. It has been puzzling women as well since they often aren’t sure either. It seems that no matter what a man does, a woman is not satisfied. Well, that’s because it really is not about a man at all. The problem in a relationship begins to develop as soon as we place the responsibility for our happiness on another person. No one can make us happy but ourselves and expecting someone to resolve all your problems is unrealistic. When we base our happiness on a conditional state of our relationships, our wellbeing is tied in closely to something that is volatile and unstable in nature. We are awaiting deep disappointment which is bound to happen because we are all human and, therefore, sometimes make mistakes.
But perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Perhaps the question should be “what do women need”. Chasing an aimless want or desire won’t bring lasting happiness. Guys and girls fall for looks but forget to look further, to see if the person is beautiful inside. I once dated a guy to whom I was very attracted, but he couldn’t listen to me for three minutes without fidgeting and drifting off. I don’t usually have that affect on people, but that’s what I got from him. And the funny thing is - I tolerated it for some unfathomable reason for a whole month, dismissing it as a probable case of ADD. Some marry for money only to discover what a lonely place a marriage could be without a true connection. Now, I never did that. I always knew that I wasn’t for sale. I, and only I, am responsible for my life, physically, emotionally and financially.
As far as the question goes, from my experiences I have learned that by focusing on what is important we can resolve this dilemma. I reflected on my broken marriage and the relationships that I have had since then and came to a conclusion that once a woman is emotionally mature and is able to fulfill herself, she wouldn't really need anything from a man. A man is an icing on her cake, nice to have. She then can be in a relationship because she wants to and not because she needs to. However, if she chooses to be in a relationship there are a few fundamental things that need to exist: respect, understanding, appreciation and affection. These are the cornerstones of a stable relationship, without them the whole house will collapse into shambles. A man, by the way, needs those same things. We are not that different after all.
Many relationships are missing some or all of the above and are likely candidates for a nasty break up or divorce. And even those who stay together can sometimes barely tolerate each other with time. Women complain, men ignore, everyone is miserable. Maybe the answer lies in crossing out the things that we don’t want and sticking to that taboo list when choosing a mate. Once crossed out, there should be no perhaps, or maybes - unacceptable is just that, so move on to the next one. I think we can all agree that no one really wants to be miserable. We all want to be happy… it’s just that sometimes we don’t know how.
But perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Perhaps the question should be “what do women need”. Chasing an aimless want or desire won’t bring lasting happiness. Guys and girls fall for looks but forget to look further, to see if the person is beautiful inside. I once dated a guy to whom I was very attracted, but he couldn’t listen to me for three minutes without fidgeting and drifting off. I don’t usually have that affect on people, but that’s what I got from him. And the funny thing is - I tolerated it for some unfathomable reason for a whole month, dismissing it as a probable case of ADD. Some marry for money only to discover what a lonely place a marriage could be without a true connection. Now, I never did that. I always knew that I wasn’t for sale. I, and only I, am responsible for my life, physically, emotionally and financially.
As far as the question goes, from my experiences I have learned that by focusing on what is important we can resolve this dilemma. I reflected on my broken marriage and the relationships that I have had since then and came to a conclusion that once a woman is emotionally mature and is able to fulfill herself, she wouldn't really need anything from a man. A man is an icing on her cake, nice to have. She then can be in a relationship because she wants to and not because she needs to. However, if she chooses to be in a relationship there are a few fundamental things that need to exist: respect, understanding, appreciation and affection. These are the cornerstones of a stable relationship, without them the whole house will collapse into shambles. A man, by the way, needs those same things. We are not that different after all.
Many relationships are missing some or all of the above and are likely candidates for a nasty break up or divorce. And even those who stay together can sometimes barely tolerate each other with time. Women complain, men ignore, everyone is miserable. Maybe the answer lies in crossing out the things that we don’t want and sticking to that taboo list when choosing a mate. Once crossed out, there should be no perhaps, or maybes - unacceptable is just that, so move on to the next one. I think we can all agree that no one really wants to be miserable. We all want to be happy… it’s just that sometimes we don’t know how.
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