For me, a true Virgo perfectionist, this is a huge step away from the very principles that drive me forward. Everything needs to be in order and I need to be in control of every situation that I am involved in, well at least as far as it comes to me and everything that has to do with me. Giving up control is not something that I like to do, so you would never see me drunk or riding crazy roller coasters. I always wear a seatbelt, even as a passenger in the back seat. I imitate the beeping sound that the car makes when someone in the front seat is driving without a seat belt without thinking about it. My boyfriend, who has a nasty habit of driving around without buckling up, complains that I am annoying, and that’s when I usually realize that I am making the beeping sound again, “Sorry, just want you to be safe.” How selfish of me, but I want people that I love to stay around longer! Driving without a seatbelt to me is asking for an early departure.
However uncomfortable it is for me to accept that life is rarely if ever perfect, if I look for that feeling of perfection and tie it in with happiness on top of that, I will never be happy or content and spend my life on an unrealistic quest toward an unreachable goal in misery. Buddhism teaches that happiness is not the absence of problems and I totally agree. I filed for a divorce, had a surgery and was in a car accident within three month of each other in 2007, but through every challenge I was accompanied by protection – an order of protection from the Family Court, a doctor that I have personally known and trusted my life to and a seat belt together with a sense of calm that enabled me to respond the best possible way for us to stay alive. Thankfully, I don’t leave a husband with anger issues, go through emergency surgeries or collide with Hummers every day!!! I don’t wish that on anyone, especially if they don’t feel any pain relief even after being given morphine. Suffering seems to be an inseparable part of life, and yet there is always an ability to feel joy, no matter what the circumstances are. 2007 was the most difficult year for me, but all through the challenges and even physical pain I was able to feel happiness - I was alive, I was free and I was starting over. From major life emergencies to a disappointment over a closed restaurant, we are constantly reminded that absolute happiness is within us and can’t be taken away. Life is truly not an “all or nothing kind of deal”.